Mar 11 

Written By Ky Khalil

Thinking about eloping, but not sure if it’s the right move? Let me help you suss this one out. But first, we need to get on the same page, because a lot of what people say about eloping and elopements is wrong. First, it’s not defined by running away and marrying in secret – some do, of course, my parents did – but it’s not always a quick n’ dirty courthouse affair (but I’m here for that if that’s what you want, I mean, did you see Zohran Mamdani and Rama Duwaji’s courthouse wedding photos?? Adorable).

The undercurrent that I’m trying to disrupt here is that eloping definitely isn’t for people who don’t are about their wedding, in fact, it’s usually quite the opposite. And it’s the reason why those courthouse photos probably felt so true to Zohran and Rama: they chose it because it was so deeply true to who they are and their way of being on this planet. And that’s really it, with eloping, it’s just choosing to build your day around the two of you, your actual story, and very intentional time together, wherever and however that looks.

first, let’s bust some myths.

myth: eloping means you don’t care about your wedding.

Usually it’s the exact opposite. People don’t elope because they care less. They elope because they care so much they won’t spend their one or two days celebrating their promise to one another on any version of a celebration that isn’t deeply theirs. Caring more, not less, combined with deep intentionality, is usually the whole reason.

myth: it’s just the two of you, in secret

Only if you want it to be. But you can elope and still bring your ten favorite people, your dog (pleasepleasepleasepleaseprettyplease), your adventure cat (also please), your grandmother, or, your two best friends. It’s really truly up to you.

myth: you have to already be outdoorsy to have an elopement in nature.

Not at all and this myth is so common it gets its own section below. You do not need to hike, camp, or own a single piece of outdoor gear to elope. Meaning is what matters with elopements, not trail miles. There are plenty of ways to get out in nature without hiking 7 miles to get there.

myth: elopements happen either at a courthouse or on a mountainside.

Those are two options out of a thousand. Elope in a Redwood grove, on a rooftop in a city you love, your best friend’s backyard, your favorite dive bar, on a beach or sailboat or at the end of a dock, or wherever it is that your story feels most alive.

myth: if you elope, it’s basically like an eight hour photoshoot.

I reeeeeeeeally would like to bust this myth. Your wedding day is not, and I cannot emphasize this enough, a photoshoot. It’s a memory in the making, a day you actually live, and potentially one of your best hangs ever with your hottest homie. You’re wandering an ancient city together, or hiking up a trail, or snuggling on the deck of a sailboat, or eating tacos on a tailgate, and I’m there, documenting it as it goes. The photos are a byproduct of having a real experience together that’s been shaped by who you are as people and as a couple. I just happen to be there with a camera 🙂

should we elope? how do we decide if eloping is for us? a checklist

Question 1:
Do you want to elope?
[  ] Yes
[  ] No

Question 2: See above.

That’s it. That’s the whole checklist.

Not outdoorsy? Doesn’t matter.

Not sure where to go yet? Doesn’t matter.

Not sure if you could do it without your grandmother being able to attend? Great, we’ll figure it out.

(If you’re feeling the call, it’s worth exploring. Let’s co-author something that feels like it belongs to you.)

But you actually don’t already have to be some kind of wild desert fairy or gearhead with a Garmin watch and a solar-charged espresso maker. You don’t have to already know where you want to go, or how to read a topographic map, or have strong opinions about sleeping pads or stove systems.

None of that is required. Most couples who elope do so because they want something different than what’s typical, and they’ve rejected the industrial wedding machine and what it asks of them. They elope because they want something that feels more like a real chapter of their story than a day that passes by in a blur surrounded by pinteresty signage and monogrammed cocktail napkins.

people who elope are:

• tired of performance
• craving something more personal
• overwhelmed by planning a traditional wedding
• secretly (or not so secretly) introverted or ambiverted
• a little rebellious
• practical
• romantic
• curious
• already married, and doing it again on their terms
• in love, and trying to do this thing with care and in a way that feels right

Some people who elope are ultra-adventurous, and they’re already the kind of folks you find backpacking across snowcovered passes and dunking their faces in mountain streams.

Others are, frankly, not that outdoorsy (or not that outdoorsy, yet). They just want to kick off their lives together by saying their vows in a gorgeous setting in a way that feels truly unique. They simply do not want to do what the wedding industry asks couples to do and would rather spend their days with a sense of awe and the kind of joy they might find on the best vacation they’ve ever had. Why not spend their wedding day doing things they already love the most, wherever that may be?

And of course, some, like me, identify as outdoorsy but like, with glitter eyeliner. We love a sunrise hike and a good outfit change. (If that’s you, welcome to the glitter fairy dirt goblin club.)

should we elope?

If you’ve been asking that question, there’s probably already something pulling at your core, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life it’s that there’s no faking the core. If there’s a voice that’s pulling you towards something different, even if it’s not what everyone else is doing or wanting from you, usually, I’ve found that voice is the one most worth hearing out.

But that’s just like, my opinion, man.

So ultimately, if you want:

• an experience “just for us”
• fewer eyes on you / not being the center of attention
• no opinions or obligations that aren’t just yours
• a deeper, more unique, and non-conforming experience
• a ceremony that feels more like a memory and less like a to-do list of obligations and traditions
• a fully personalized and free-feeling way to celebrate the first page of the rest of your life

Or maybe you don’t even know what you want yet, but you know enough to know what you don’t want. One of my favorite sessions started with, “We don’t know exactly what we want. We just know we don’t want to do what everyone else is doing.” So we dipped back into their story for all the ways they go against the grain in their lives together as a couple, and started writing their next chapter from there.

I’ve also been that person staring down something unfamiliar and wondering, “Am I even allowed to want a life that looks like that?” “Can I really give kid-me the pen and start writing from there again?”

Boy, howdy, can you.

Anyway, all this to say, the gate’s open… Come on in.

eloping is about the way you want this to feel.

If a traditional wedding feels like cosplaying a life that’s not true to you then maybe it’s time to take the pen and write the script your way. 

After all, what inspires us to be braver than we thought we were? What makes us leave the familiar, inspires us to choose the truest, most-beautiful thing, or take the leap we thought we couldn’t?

Usually, love.

you don’t need permission

And if you’re standing at the edge of this idea of eloping, of choosing something different and just-for-you, and thinking, “but I don’t even know where to begin,” then I’ve got two things to say to you: 1) I know that feeling and B) brother get in the boat!!! your soul is asking for experiences, and you’re gonna go get ’em!!! The only question is, are you gonna start now, or later?

I know what it’s like to badly want something but to not see the path there yet. I’ve made that kind of a leap before, and boy if it ain’t true that the path often reveals itself as you walk it. Sometimes the leap is the way in. Sometimes that little call you hear ends up bringing you right up to the face of one of the great joys of your life. 

so… who should elope?

You should, if you want to… That’s it.

If you’re ready to start penning this next chapter in a way that continues the authentic story you’re already living (or deep down, somehow destined for! you just know it!), I’d love to help. You don’t have to have it all figured out. If you’re feeling a pull, that’s enough to start.

See you there!!! xx Ky